I will succeed

I cannot even begin to apologise for my prolonged, unanticipated absence.

And I cannot even begin to explain.

Sadly, disappointingly, my situation has not improved during my truancy.
I am now officially 54.5 kg, even 55.
I am also 169 cm (grew 2 cm).

However, my increased height is no excuse for this weight gain. My bmi is higher than ever now, as is my visceral fat and my cellulite is more axiomatic than ever in my life, even before my weight-loss ambitions.

Actually, perhaps I would care to explain.

You see, high school is a cruel time in your lifetime. The lifeless teachers unsympathetically hose you with a steady flow of assignments, often simultaneously. Evidently, this leads to stress (horrible breakouts, dull skin, slowed metabolism, stress eating) and lack of sleep in an attempt to please their demands (slowed metabolism, dull skin). Combined, they inevitably result in weight gain. Fat accumulation.
What's more is that this year is constituted of more drama than ever experienced before. One individual of our friendship group decided to walk out on us. No explanation, no guilt, no attempt to resolve issues beforehand. The rest of us tried to talk it out, but she made it quite axiomatic that she did not want to solve anything.

When I realised that, a feeling of familiarity swept over me.
It was the same sentiment invoked into my heart when my dog passed away.

I feel like we're never going to get her back, and we won't, I know her too well not to know that. She fails to see how deeply her actions have impacted other members of our group, or if she does, she simply chooses to ignore it.

Friendship terminated.

Of course there is a silver lining. All pieces of literature possess that element. So you see, she was my weight-loss partner. We shared recipes, exercises and updates. However, we both struggled to lose weight. We just loved to eat, so despite conversing extensively about this topic, our physiques continued to inflate.

But no more.

A new fire of determination flares up in me. Do you know what would be the best "revenge"?

Why, you're correct.

I am going to lose 10 kilos of fat, starting right now. I can't wait to see her face. I can't wait to prove her wrong. I can't wait to see her eyes loiter around my stick legs, see her mouth paralyse in a ball of astonishment. Of jealousy. Of regret.

Oh, you should have stayed with me. We could have done this together. We could have still been friends.

Oh wait. That's right, you walked out.


I will succeed this time. "This time" isn't even necessary. This is my first shot, and I sure as hell will succeed. No mistakes, no slip-ups, no cheat days, no binges. I don't even know what the aforementioned terminology is. I have never experienced them. No thinking. Yes, no human thoughts. Simply, robotically, reject the temptation. Dispose of it if necessary. No justification, no analysing. Do whatever is necessary to restrain that from entering your system.

1200 calories/less on a quotidian basis.
No thinking about it.
Just do it.


So how, you ask? Well, for one, I'll aim to lose the first 1.5 kilos. Goal weight1 53 now.

Also, I've identified a major cause of my excessive calorie intake as triggered by after school. I do well the first 6 hours of the day, but I come home, I'm hungry and tired. So I eat. And boy is it a struggle to stop from then til I sleep.
So rather than having a full-on, cooked meal, I'll have a snack instead. An apple. A pb banana. A piece of fruit. A bunch of veggies. Something that requires little preparation. Having said that, I must not eat processed food.
Another rule will be to eat something clean after school. Clean and light.
After my snack, I will chew so much gum my face hurts, until dinner.
Then I will brush my teeth, drink tea, and stop eating after dinner.

Breakdown:
-Eat a quick, clean snack after school
-Chew gum after ^
-Eat you regular healthy dinner
-Brush teeth, drink tea, chew gun after ^


Let's own October.

7:08 mile

So we had the mile run today at school.
I got really pumped.
I strapped on my watch.
And hit start.

And I got 7:08!!!!!!

Now I know it's not that good for those of you who make sub 7 miles and sub 6 miles, but this was 20 seconds off my PB. So I was pretty happy, you could say.
I did do one or two practice runs in my own time, so I can't say that didn't help.

As for the 21-Day Challenge, I set some goals. Every week, I aim to lose a kilo. By the end of the challenge, I'm hoping to lose 2.5-3 kilos.
And in general, I also set some goals. For every kilo I lose, I'll buy myself something on my wish list. Right now it's nail polish remover, because I have a pretty sparkly french manicure on at the moment but as with all french manicures, it's chipping quickly.

Other reward items include:
-Covergirl's Clump Crusher mascara-after a lot of research, I concluded this was the best one for separation, a priority for my eyelashes. The brush also gives you volume, which I need.
-White eyeliner-supposed to make your eyes 'pop'
-Workout clothing!-I really want a plain black singlet! Or another pair of running shorts :D
-OPI's Alpine Snow polish-I really want a quality white polish
-An epilator. If I choose the more costly type, maybe I'll buy it after 2 or 3 kilos have been shedded, or I'll make it my last reward. I really want it though-it would seriously make my life so much easier.
-this weird looking eye makeup tool thing-again, this would just solve all my mascara problem of getting the stuff everywhere but my eyelashes.
-one more thing...just because it will then be 9 rewards for 9.5 kilos...

I have an excursion to the city in about a month. City=style. Style=thin. I must lose weight by then!!!! I want to actually be able to enjoy the city and showcase my streetstyle fashion sense on legs that don't resemble elephants. And then I have Duke of Ed's hike a week after...my legs need to be thin to look good in my workout shorts too! And I need to get my fitness up!

Right now, as in today, I'm kind of over my daily calorie goal. I'm not saying by how much. I did want to be 52kg by tomorrow morning, and I hope today won't affect that...I weighed myself yesterday though, and I was pretty much 52!!! Maybe 52.3 or something, but almost 52! I'll have weigh in tomorrow morning first thing, and maybe I'll be nice if I'm not there yet and weigh myself after school.

Byeeeee

HONEY BUNNIES!

Hello honey bunnies! I know I haven't blogged in a century, but that's because I've been eating crap and hence feeling crap! And my skin has broken out so badly, my face looks like a minefield! I'll stop with the negativity and unnecessary exclamation marks!

But yeah. Sadly, I have been slacking off quite a lot lately. In quite a bit of excess calories at the moment...oh well? My 3 fast days are coming up, so that will be 3600 calories GONE, and my Duke of Ed hike (did I tell you it's been brought forward!?) will get rid of 4000 calories, and the rest will take care of itself.

In response to my horrible eating lately, I've decided to a 21 Day Challenge with a friend on MFP, where al you do is stick to your calorie goal for 21 days. And then hopefully form a habit of sticking under your goal. I really need to do this, a) to gain some control, b) lose 2100 calories (DC-100) and c) to gain more self-control. If I didn't have those excess calories, I would be down 2 kilos of fat by now...

Yesterday, I did the beep/bleep test with my sport class, and improved by 0.2, getting 9.6. I could've done more, but I could not be bothered...a mistake to be learnt from. I actually love the beep test for some reason...much more than the milke run. My best mile time is 7:28, but I ant to get a sub 7 mile time in a month. So, to do this, I need to do:
400m-1:45
800m-3:30
1.2km-5:15
1.6km-7:00
I tried running 400m in that time, and I literally had to sprint it flat out. I really need to train.

Oh, I'm also starting the 10 Day Ab Challenge. Its bitterly unpopular, but easy, and that's why I chose it-to fee successful at something. I've also read about the 30 Day Shred, and it seens as though people are losing heaps of inches in that program...so I might try that after.
I might also try the 20 Day (or longer) challenge, here.
I've decided to go with the low-reps-high-weights training method, therefore abolishing the 30-Day Squat and Crunch challenges. However, I read that you do need higher reps and lower weights for beginners, so that's why I'm just doing the 10 Day Challenge that is based on that training style.
OH, I might be starting swimming again!!!! Did I tell you I used to be a state swimmer?! I loved it, but my mum made me quit..still won't tell me why. But then a while after my club disbanded, so yeah. But now I found another close-ish club to our house, SO I MIGHT BE STARTING AGAIN. SO EXCITED. Actually so excited, especially because my school gave me my very belated age champion swimming trophy recently. Just looking at it made me more determined than ever to join.

This is gold. 

12867

And that's the number of excess calories to date. Yes, the number has grown. That's why I haven't been bloggin for a while :(

Anyway, I had 2 binge days (in a row) and then three excess days. I feel like such a failure right now. Boo. And I haven't been exercising for a while either…just very slow walks. With the help of CardioTrainer, I figured two laps around the neighbourhood is just short of 2 kilometers, and a lap of the local park is a tad more than a mile. I should start training for a mile…but yeah.

I weighed myself (finally). 53...lost 1.5kg, but that 1.5kg shouldn't even have been there anyway. I also have some sort of ab definition in my midsection, but only in the morning and when I'm flexing, and in bright light. There will be a time (hopefully) when the definition of my abs does not depend on lighting or the amount of food eaten...hopefully it will come soon!
I think my thighs have gotten fatter though. Not necessarily larger, just...fatter. I can grab more fat around the back :(

I just want to eat close to 500. I don’t even care anymore. Dark times. 

Mathematics+cool poses

So...after doing the maths, I calculated that all of my excess calories add up to 9816 calories. That's pretty much 3 pounds of fatty fat fat.
How did I get here in the first place? Well, 2853 calories came from Wednesday 19th of June, one massive binge day. An excess of 2085 calories was the total of 3 days eating in excess, and 3678 calories is the total of the 3 fast days to be completed in August.
So yeah. After more math, I calculated that for the 4 weeks and 3 days I've been calorie cycling, I have an average of 1500 calories a day, including the 9816 calories.

I weighed myself today. I purposely did not get my hopes up, and thank goodness I didn't because I'm 53 (still). I guess that's an improvement from my 54.5 kilos, and I had to pee after my weigh in. So I must have been a tad lighter than 53? Hopefully! Oh well, I don't really care for the number on the scale anyway, because I want to lose fat, not muscle!

Speaking of fat, my body fat calliper came today. Only, even though it's meant to be more accurate than the tape measure method, the accuracy is quite questionable. According to the calliper's chart, I have a body fat percentage of 15%. And there is really no way that's true, because I can't see my abs (apart from at the very top) and my thighs are still massive! So I suppose I'll just follow the tape measure method then.

Oh, gues what?

I can totally do the splits! Just did them fully today, for the first time. My preferred split is the left leg split, because my right leg is really inflexible.I was so happy though :')
I went to a party yesterday, and my calisthenics and dancing friends were all there and being flexible and doing heatstands and leg mounts. And I was just there being...I can do a press?

Anyway, I kind of did a headstand there, but I'm struggling to hold it up. I can also do a one hand cartwheel, and I really want to be able to do an aerial. And a handstand. And a press hanstand. And a back handspring. And a front walkover. And a back walkover. And a scorpion, bow and arrow, leg mount, forearm stand, and all of these...

One girl, one jump rope

Hello lovelies! Haven't posted in a while, yeah sorry about that.

Anyway, I supposed I should update everyone.
Foodwise, I had a "mini" binge. 2374 calories in total, so with my goal that day of 1440 calories I was in excess of 934 calories.

BUT.

Yes, there's a but.

My jump rope came.

It's purple. I was so excited. I still am. So anyway, it came. And after a few jumps, I finally felt like the  super-skilled-fourth-grader-jump-roper I once was. And it felt fantabulous. So I burned about 175 calories.
And from that day to this day, I have not parted with my purple jump rope. I have jumped every day. Happiness. And in total, I have burned 576 calories from 64 minutes of jump roping! I also had some other exercise in the past few days, so right now I'm logging all my excess calories on the mini-binge day until all the excess calories then are cleared. Right now, I have 229 excess calories to burn off from mini-binge day. Ugh.

Also, I'm one day over, if that makes any sense. So today's Tuesday, but I log all my food into Wednesday. That's how much I overate...
Oh well, as soon as I get rid of mini-binge day, I'll start logging all my cals on the actual day, and then log any exercise cals from then on into that day to get rid of the excess. Sounds like a grand plan, not.

Random note: I completed my first all-day fast in forever! (claps for self)

Sadly, I've stalled on my Crunch and Squat challenges. I'm meant to be on Day 21 (180 squats, 115 crunches), but I just completed Day 15 today and so I'm currently on Day 16. How sad...I actually do want to finish it though, no matter how long it takes me (hopefully no longer than 45 days!)

But yeah, jump rope. If you haven't got much money, space or time to get fit, get a jump rope. I got mine for $3 off ebay, and I jump in the barbecue pit (don't laugh okay), for about 15-30 minutes a day (again, don't laugh, I'm building it up haha). And it's sooo fun. Just beware of sore calf muscles the next day ;)

Fasting (for realz)

I can't believe I didn't tell you this before, but I'M FASTING TODAY!

Like FOR REALZ.

And you know why it's so "for realz"? Because my mum agreed to do it with me! Well, she broke hers at 4pm, but I'm still on it! And I do intend to go all the way. And maybe tomorrow if mum doesn't ask.
I had a pizza lunch at school today though! It was hard work resisting...and then we had class parties where there was more food and omggg.
But I did it. Be proud (please)

On another note, I still have to do yesterday's Slow and Steady, Squat and Crunch, and today's Squat and Crunch. Meh.

Guys, school is pretty much over. One more day tomorrow, and then two weeks free! But I have holiday homework...grrr. Sadly, I've already filled up my fasting day today, one of my 40 hour famine days and half of another 40 hour famine day from excess calories accummulated from over the days...quite sad about that, seeing as I saw it as an opportunity to lose 3600 calories. Oh well.

In the holidays, I'm going to try to the best of my ability to
a) go for a very very long walk with a friend
b) have an all-day swim day
c) have a watermelon day
d) try to make CCK's Ultimate Chocolate Fudge Pie, if I feel like it.

Well that's it from me. Have a lovely holiday, all you Aussies xxx

This looks fun...