Feeling Like a Failure!

Okay, so I need to completely fast tomorrow and consume 387 calories the next day to get rid of my current excess calories (not the massive 3000)
I can do this right? I know I'm capable of fasting from when I wake up to when I come home from school, because I'm busy for the whole time. But then, when I get home...mum becomes the most aggressive food pusher to exist, temptations tempt me and I justify my eating. But I need to do this. As in really need to do this. I don't want to be carrying around an excess 2400 calories, especialy in addition to my already excess 3000 calories.

And having a bit of a rant here. I looked at myself after my binge and was really upset. All I could see was the top of my thighs squishing together, a fat stomach and a saggy butt. And when I lifted my knees up, I didn't get a nice gap like this, I got the top of my thighs squishing together and all the fat made my skin look horrible. Bumpy and blemished, not the smooth skin in that picture. And I don't even have a thigh gap anymore! At 48kg, I had a decent thigh gap but it could've been bigger. Now I don't even have one anymore. Don't even get me started about my stomach. I could see the fat rolls when I did situps, and it quite literally spilled over my shorts. Ew.

Sorry about that ramble. It's only been 17 days of calorie counting, 10 days actually restricting, and I've already undone one week with that 3000 excess. So basically I've only restricted for 3 days. Wow. Anyway, slow progress is still progress, right? Sometimes I just wish it would be quicker though...

Help with Diet + Challenge Updates

Uh oh...it's happening again...the excess calories, I mean. It's only 9:46 am and I've already filled my daily calorie limit, from all the excess last night. What do I do?!?!
I will definitely try to eat as little as possible. I will not eat anything in private, but I will only eat when I'm forced to eat...and when I do eat, it'll be veggies. That should work, right? I'm so nervous...I still need to get rid of those 3000 excess calories! Someone be my accountability buddy and help me!!!

I'm on Day 4 of the 3 30-Day Challenges now, but I'm yet to complete today's. I feel...lethargic? I feel mentally tired, but I just know that absolutely MUST do it otherwise I'll feel so bad...I'll probably do it in the afternoon or something then.

Have a good day lovelies xxx

DECISIONS.

I HAVE FINALLY DECIDED TO DO THE 30-DAY SQUAT CHALLENGE, 30-DAY CRUNCH CHALLENGE AND MINI-CIRCUIT FOR 30 DAYS.

This is in addition to my morning "Slow and Steady" workout, where every day you just do 1 more pushup, 1 more situp and 1 more squat, for as long as you can.

Anyway, I'm happy with my decision. Nervous, but I know it'll be so much more beneficial than not doing it. One of the biggest influences of this decision was the quote "In x days, you'll wish you started today". That's so true!!!
So I'm 10% done with the 30-Day Challenges, and today's my rest day. The first day was hard. Like seriously hard. I had to use my arms to make the situps easier, had to pause when squatting, and the plank was challenging. However, on the second day and third day, my strength progressed. I could really feel that I was already stronger, as I didn't have to stop. And yesterday, doing my 3*1 minute planks, I didn't have to look at the timer to see how much longer I had to hold it for! Just kept going...hahah
So if YOU are contemplating undertaking these challenges, stop. You should just do it already. It's just a total of 20 minutes of discomfort, and for the rest of the day you'll be satisfied. Oh, and you burn about 60 additional calories! So JUST DO IT.

In the foodie area, I've been a bit bumpy. Yesterday, I thought I was doing the Extreme Fat Loss week, so I ate 960-100 calories. So 860 calories. But then, today I realised I wasn't onto that quite yet and so today I have a regular 1210 calorie allotment today. Unfortunately, mummy dearest steamed some DELICIOUS pork buns this morning...but they are just about the worst food you can eat. White flour, high sugar-making them addictive, and high cal, weighing in at 225 calories each! And they're smaller than the size of your fist. So anyway, I had one. And another. So that was 550 calories gone, in less than 10 minutes.

And when we went to Coles, I got some 70% dark chocolate...it was more calorific than regular chocolate, but less sugar, hence less addictive. Or it should have been. I ate 50 grams of that stuff! It didn't even taste bitter! So...it's only 5pm and I had to log the excess calories today in for tomorrow. And I haven't even had dinner yet. Boooo :(

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/GoingFor45

Challenges!

So a friend of mine on MFP just sent me her daily workout routine. It was INSANE. She said she's only been doing it for 5 days, along with eating healthy, and I can see abs and a thigh gap on her!
Anyway, her workout consisted of 3 challenges and a mini-circuit, and she does all the challenges three times! Told you it was insane! She did the 30 day crunch challenge, 30 day squat challenge, 30 day push-up challenge and then the mini circuit, every day. You can just google all the challenges, but the circuit is at the end of this post.
I was contemplating doing what she did, but I'm afraid it may be too much for me to handle all at once, in addition to my As Long As You Can Challenge.
Oh, and there's also the 30 day Abs Challenge, which looks pretty doable too...so that's another option!
The squat challenge starts off with 50 squats...that's an awful lot of squats...should I do the crunch or squat challenge?! Aargh...I'll decide later I guess. Right, off to workout now! For the first time in months! So happy...

Far Out Brussel Sprout!

Well...I overate. I hate the word binge, so I overate. By 2827 calories. That's basically a pound of fat... Um...yeah...I'm never hitting the "complete this entry" button for today...
And why? Because I just found out after school that I had a history essay due tomorrow!!! I had it in my planner for the day after tomorrow, so my brain began moving into panic mode and I ate my stress. I also pulled an all-nighter finishing my plan. And then I was late to school, but I'm getting extra time, yay.
Anyway, I was going to try fasting for the next two days and a bit, but...my mum doesn't approve of my fat loss goals and will keep pressuring me to eat...which means I'd have to purposely fake madness at her, which I can't. And there's all these food temptations lying around the house!!! So since I can't fast completely, I decided I'd just do this: daily calorie goal (DCG)-100 calories, for as long as it takes for me to rid mys body of the excess calories. So tomorrow, my original goal of 1410 is now 1310. And this goes on for 29 days. I can do this, right?!
Once I did a three day fast to balance out an excess of about 3000 calories, but I had to be so isolated and withdrawn from my family...I could just see the hurt and confusion in them! Another time I did a 2 day fast, but that was easier because my mum was away for a bit so she wasn't there to look over my eating. It's really hard to do this without family support though.

So yeah. DCG-100=next 29 days. Should be fun fun!

Day 9

Did you know that on about day 5, I found this too easy? I actually found myself wishing to binge, but I couldn't. That was great, and I know that now (when I want to binge oh so very much), but at the time I didn't see how precious that moment was. 

Anyway, needless to say, last week was brilliantly successful. I stuck to my whopping average of about 1900 a day...but now...oh...it's not going so well, to be honest. I've overeaten so much I logged all my excess calories into the next day, and that's nearly full. I've only got 400 calories left tomorrow, and that number is probably going to decrease...

I used to balance out my calories over the week all the time on my old MFP account, but I stopped because I thought it was wrong, and now I just found out it's okay to...so I've kept that in mind recently...

But yeah. I don't know what to do. When I do have free calories left, I feel funny. Abnormal. And when I have excess calories, I want to binge, cry and fast all at the same time. Haaaalp. And this is day 9 out of 213-ish days. 

Know this, though. I will not give up. I will not have a cheat day and reset my calorie counting. I will make up for my excess calories, even if it takes me to the 213th day. I will not throw in the towel like last time. I will not carry around an extra apple-sized lump of fat (1000 excess calories). I will fight this. 

Wow that was motivational...hahaha...I woke up this morning, and when I looked in the mirror my stomach was almost flat. Just an excess of 1000 calories in line with my belly button...but other than that, flat. And oh so thin. I almost died of happiness. I could have almost gone to the beach comfortably in that gorgeous floral bikini I bought. Oh, about that. I really need to pad it. I just realised it isn't padded...which is very, very awkward, especially since it will get wet. Only thing is, I have no idea how to. The inserts cost $2345678 over here, and I can't exactly buy them online since I can only use my mum's card. And she'll be like, "What did you buy?!" Oh the awkwardness...it's a bandeau style bikini, so I know it needs more of an oval insert than a triangle one. But that's all I know.

Don't remember if I've mentioned this before, but I'm staying off the scale atm. The earliest I initially said I could step on it was in three weeks into my lifestyle diet, but not anymore. My "diet" hasn't been practised long enough to see changes, and that'll just discourage me. Additionally, the scales don't tell the whole story. I may very well be gaining/losing muscle while losing/gaining fat, and since my ultimate goal is to retain as much muscle as possible, my muscle mass may have soared and the scales might have increased as well. 

Oh, and I'm thinking of buying one of those Accumeasure skinfold calipers off eBay. I really want to know my TRUE body fat percentage! Those tape measure methods say it's 17%, but there is seriously no way that's true. It looks more like 25-30%. So I want to get one.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go write a history essay x.

Hello there.

Just wanted to I've been going good so far, and today is the high calorie day! Hahahha...

I also started this exercise program yesterday...you're meant to start it at the start of a new month, but I just did the previous four days in one day. Anyway, on day one, you do 1 squat, 1 push-up and 1 sit-up. The next day, you do two of each. The next day, you do three, and you continue for as long as you can. I'm definitely going to try to do this until I reach my goal weight, and then even try to go past that. I just did 5 of each this morning...

I found Nutella in the kitchen today. For those of you who don't know, Nutella is my greatest enemy, my greatest diet sabotager and my greatest weakness. It has sent me on binges, raised my daily caloric intake by 1000 calories, made me break out in acne and crushed my self esteem. The sugar in it makes it soooooooo adictive it's not even a joke anymore. Anyway, my mum knew about my relationship with Nutella, and she stared at me and told me to chuck it in the bin. I was so happy, because my mum has never told me to throw away perfectly edible food before. So much happiness.

Oh, and I also switched to dark chocolate the other day...I think it was the first day of this month? My lovely mum bought a Boost bar and 85% dark chocolate, so that was basically the last time I had milk chocolate or white chocolate. Since then, I've been having 10 grams of dark chocolate everyday, or one square, which is probably too much but oh well...it helps contain my choco cravings. 

All is good. My maths exam is over, which was surprisingly easy compared to our normal classwork but I think I got a few wrong...the projects are still coming in though...and a history, English and science essay. I won't eat my stress!!!