Day 9

Did you know that on about day 5, I found this too easy? I actually found myself wishing to binge, but I couldn't. That was great, and I know that now (when I want to binge oh so very much), but at the time I didn't see how precious that moment was. 

Anyway, needless to say, last week was brilliantly successful. I stuck to my whopping average of about 1900 a day...but now...oh...it's not going so well, to be honest. I've overeaten so much I logged all my excess calories into the next day, and that's nearly full. I've only got 400 calories left tomorrow, and that number is probably going to decrease...

I used to balance out my calories over the week all the time on my old MFP account, but I stopped because I thought it was wrong, and now I just found out it's okay to...so I've kept that in mind recently...

But yeah. I don't know what to do. When I do have free calories left, I feel funny. Abnormal. And when I have excess calories, I want to binge, cry and fast all at the same time. Haaaalp. And this is day 9 out of 213-ish days. 

Know this, though. I will not give up. I will not have a cheat day and reset my calorie counting. I will make up for my excess calories, even if it takes me to the 213th day. I will not throw in the towel like last time. I will not carry around an extra apple-sized lump of fat (1000 excess calories). I will fight this. 

Wow that was motivational...hahaha...I woke up this morning, and when I looked in the mirror my stomach was almost flat. Just an excess of 1000 calories in line with my belly button...but other than that, flat. And oh so thin. I almost died of happiness. I could have almost gone to the beach comfortably in that gorgeous floral bikini I bought. Oh, about that. I really need to pad it. I just realised it isn't padded...which is very, very awkward, especially since it will get wet. Only thing is, I have no idea how to. The inserts cost $2345678 over here, and I can't exactly buy them online since I can only use my mum's card. And she'll be like, "What did you buy?!" Oh the awkwardness...it's a bandeau style bikini, so I know it needs more of an oval insert than a triangle one. But that's all I know.

Don't remember if I've mentioned this before, but I'm staying off the scale atm. The earliest I initially said I could step on it was in three weeks into my lifestyle diet, but not anymore. My "diet" hasn't been practised long enough to see changes, and that'll just discourage me. Additionally, the scales don't tell the whole story. I may very well be gaining/losing muscle while losing/gaining fat, and since my ultimate goal is to retain as much muscle as possible, my muscle mass may have soared and the scales might have increased as well. 

Oh, and I'm thinking of buying one of those Accumeasure skinfold calipers off eBay. I really want to know my TRUE body fat percentage! Those tape measure methods say it's 17%, but there is seriously no way that's true. It looks more like 25-30%. So I want to get one.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go write a history essay x.

Hello there.

Just wanted to I've been going good so far, and today is the high calorie day! Hahahha...

I also started this exercise program yesterday...you're meant to start it at the start of a new month, but I just did the previous four days in one day. Anyway, on day one, you do 1 squat, 1 push-up and 1 sit-up. The next day, you do two of each. The next day, you do three, and you continue for as long as you can. I'm definitely going to try to do this until I reach my goal weight, and then even try to go past that. I just did 5 of each this morning...

I found Nutella in the kitchen today. For those of you who don't know, Nutella is my greatest enemy, my greatest diet sabotager and my greatest weakness. It has sent me on binges, raised my daily caloric intake by 1000 calories, made me break out in acne and crushed my self esteem. The sugar in it makes it soooooooo adictive it's not even a joke anymore. Anyway, my mum knew about my relationship with Nutella, and she stared at me and told me to chuck it in the bin. I was so happy, because my mum has never told me to throw away perfectly edible food before. So much happiness.

Oh, and I also switched to dark chocolate the other day...I think it was the first day of this month? My lovely mum bought a Boost bar and 85% dark chocolate, so that was basically the last time I had milk chocolate or white chocolate. Since then, I've been having 10 grams of dark chocolate everyday, or one square, which is probably too much but oh well...it helps contain my choco cravings. 

All is good. My maths exam is over, which was surprisingly easy compared to our normal classwork but I think I got a few wrong...the projects are still coming in though...and a history, English and science essay. I won't eat my stress!!!