I cannot even begin to apologise for my prolonged, unanticipated absence.
And I cannot even begin to explain.
Sadly, disappointingly, my situation has not improved during my truancy.
I am now officially 54.5 kg, even 55.
I am also 169 cm (grew 2 cm).
However, my increased height is no excuse for this weight gain. My bmi is higher than ever now, as is my visceral fat and my cellulite is more axiomatic than ever in my life, even before my weight-loss ambitions.
Actually, perhaps I would care to explain.
You see, high school is a cruel time in your lifetime. The lifeless teachers unsympathetically hose you with a steady flow of assignments, often simultaneously. Evidently, this leads to stress (horrible breakouts, dull skin, slowed metabolism, stress eating) and lack of sleep in an attempt to please their demands (slowed metabolism, dull skin). Combined, they inevitably result in weight gain. Fat accumulation.
What's more is that this year is constituted of more drama than ever experienced before. One individual of our friendship group decided to walk out on us. No explanation, no guilt, no attempt to resolve issues beforehand. The rest of us tried to talk it out, but she made it quite axiomatic that she did not want to solve anything.
When I realised that, a feeling of familiarity swept over me.
It was the same sentiment invoked into my heart when my dog passed away.
I feel like we're never going to get her back, and we won't, I know her too well not to know that. She fails to see how deeply her actions have impacted other members of our group, or if she does, she simply chooses to ignore it.
Friendship terminated.
Of course there is a silver lining. All pieces of literature possess that element. So you see, she was my weight-loss partner. We shared recipes, exercises and updates. However, we both struggled to lose weight. We just loved to eat, so despite conversing extensively about this topic, our physiques continued to inflate.
But no more.
A new fire of determination flares up in me. Do you know what would be the best "revenge"?
Why, you're correct.
I am going to lose 10 kilos of fat, starting right now. I can't wait to see her face. I can't wait to prove her wrong. I can't wait to see her eyes loiter around my stick legs, see her mouth paralyse in a ball of astonishment. Of jealousy. Of regret.
Oh, you should have stayed with me. We could have done this together. We could have still been friends.
Oh wait. That's right, you walked out.
I will succeed this time. "This time" isn't even necessary. This is my first shot, and I sure as hell will succeed. No mistakes, no slip-ups, no cheat days, no binges. I don't even know what the aforementioned terminology is. I have never experienced them. No thinking. Yes, no human thoughts. Simply, robotically, reject the temptation. Dispose of it if necessary. No justification, no analysing. Do whatever is necessary to restrain that from entering your system.
1200 calories/less on a quotidian basis.
No thinking about it.
Just do it.
So how, you ask? Well, for one, I'll aim to lose the first 1.5 kilos. Goal weight1 53 now.
Also, I've identified a major cause of my excessive calorie intake as triggered by after school. I do well the first 6 hours of the day, but I come home, I'm hungry and tired. So I eat. And boy is it a struggle to stop from then til I sleep.
So rather than having a full-on, cooked meal, I'll have a snack instead. An apple. A pb banana. A piece of fruit. A bunch of veggies. Something that requires little preparation. Having said that, I must not eat processed food.
Another rule will be to eat something clean after school. Clean and light.
After my snack, I will chew so much gum my face hurts, until dinner.
Then I will brush my teeth, drink tea, and stop eating after dinner.
Breakdown:
-Eat a quick, clean snack after school
-Chew gum after ^
-Eat you regular healthy dinner
-Brush teeth, drink tea, chew gun after ^
Let's own October.
